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becoming a parent.

Parenting unlocks something in you.

I don’t think you could anticipate it
or prepare for it.
It’s a feeling of wanting to give
your absolute personal best
to someone
and you don’t know how.

It’s thinking about their life.

The impact that you want to have.
How you hope for them to be in the world
and then realizing
the role you play in that.

How much learning and unlearning
you will need to do
in order to make it happen.

Being open to looking at
your own flaws
your own challenges
your own tendencies
your past.

Because you know
that they will become a part
of your child’s story.
And you want better for them.

So you have to figure out your shit.
You have to be the person
you want your child to see every day.

Because sure, you made life,
but now you have the huge responsibility
of possibly shaping it –
for the better or
for the worst.
And there’s no pressure like it.

my 2019 Christmas Wish List.

yep, I’m a starting early.

where some might think it’s too materialistic to list things you’d like for Christmas, to me it’s just fun.

With a mom and grandma who did everything possible to make Christmas a magical time of year, it’s no surprise why I’m still making wishes at 39 years old.

so without further ado, here’s the beginning of my 2019 Christmas Wish List. I’ll keep coming in to add to it at different times 🙂

  1. Bath Bombs from Lush.
  2. a paper cutter. it could be anything like this. (update! a sweet friend surprised me with a Christmas present in October ❤️ after seeing this list – it was a paper cutter!)
  3. My Perfectly Imperfect Life. cute little book from FLOW.
  4. small little rose gold ball stud earrings. something like this.
  5. $ towards being able to work at The Workaround
  6. new moccasins. like these or these.
  7. a new planner to help me stay organized and set goals. have been looking at this one for a few years now: The Get To Work Workbook.

To my son, the day before Senior Kindergarten.

Hi honey,

You haven’t been yourself the last week.  You seem angry and upset.  The other day I finally picked you up and brought you upstairs so we could be alone.  We cuddled in bed and as I hugged you close, I said that we needed to talk.  I would ask you questions and you could answer just by shaking your head either yes or no.  You haven’t been talking lately so this was my attempt to get you communicating with me.

Are you upset about not being up at the cabin anymore? Head nods no.
Are you upset about going back to school soon? Head nods no.
Are you upset about not seeing mom as much when you go back to school? Head nods yes.

You began to tear up, and rubbed your eyes discretely as though you didn’t want me to see.  Your back was facing me so you couldn’t see me cry either.

I asked if you’d like to have lunch at home some days (my way of spending more time with you during the week). You seemed happy about that and I felt relieved. Relieved because you let me into that little head of yours just enough to understand how you’re feeling right now.

Tate Tate, I love you so much.  There are days where I think you should be home with us. And I know the first week, I will keep looking in the back seat for you – as we drive to the beach or out to run an errand. I will miss you. I will miss your questions and our chats.

And I know that you learn so much at school. You are now able to write your first and last name so legibly. You even want to include your middle name now. You can add things in your head and your drawings are becoming quite detailed. You are very observant.

You have a great little mind. You’re the first to ask why the cement truck driving in front of us has a hook on the chute and the one at the window watching the house across the street get their metal roofing installed. You also tried to convince me the other day that we could turn the bunk bed into a three person bed by suspending a bed for your sister in between you and your brother. You had a whole plan worked out for how to secure it to the underside of your mattress. I love how you think.

And I’m worried about you going to school. I remember what it was like last September – watching your bottom lip quiver while you stood in line with your classmates. You wouldn’t take your eyes off of me. You were trying so hard to hold it together and not cry. And the day you burst into a loud sob and held desperately onto my legs (so not your usual behaviour) – it took everything for me to not cry along with you. I waited until you went into the school and we rounded the corner of the building on our way home. I could have worn sunglasses the first month of school to hide my red and watery eyes.

I’m also worried about how the Henry’s will treat you (Henry B pinches you and Henry K says unkind things to you).  I hope that I will teach you to communicate with them and with your teacher.  I want you to love school and to stay curious.  School should be a place you are excited to go.

So tonight we will pack your bag and talk about the morning. We will take your first day of school photo and I will do my best to smile and encourage you. And I’ll probably still be teary as I leave the schoolyard without you. Maybe we’ll have lunch together tomorrow.

I love you so much, Tate. I’ll miss you.

Mama


Last year’s letter to Tate: First Day of JK.

the Lainie List.

after three weeks at the cabin, we all are adjusting to life back in the city.
  1. fees associated with running an Etsy shop.
  2. be a part of 5 Postcards, 5 Days! (I made some really cute postcards…)
  3. read this book and loved it. borrowed it from the library.
  4. an online email course I just signed up for – In Cahoots.
  5. IKEA Ideas: online design inspiration
  6. bought this t-shirt. “Making it Up as I Go” – perfect fit for me 😉
  7. About to read this. audience is retirees… I think it’s applicable to anyone making changes in their lives.

I hope you have a chance to check out the cute postcards I made. If you are a paper lover and appreciate postcards, I think you might like them…

Hope you’ve been enjoying your summer!!

The Lainie List

This week Tate learned to ride a two-wheel bike on his own for the very first time.
  1. just ordered this t-shirt for myself.
  2. this looks like a really fun water park / splash pad in Scarborough.
  3. my printmaking on fabric online course is 30% off right now (until August 2nd)
  4. Toronto Stationary Show in August. I wanna go.
  5. Modern Loss
  6. The Quiet Ego
  7. The Ultimate Toronto Neighbourhood Rankings – 2019.
  8. What people talk about before they die.
  9. how trauma seeps across generations. fascinating read.
  10. enjoying midsummer the Finnish way.
  11. origami bag tutorial
  12. Steve Jobs demonstrated the perfect way to respond to an insult.
  13. love this interview with Maurice Sendak.
  14. don’t forget to have fun.
  15. reusable snack bags.
  16. a must read for parents. an article filled with summer tips from a drown investigator and mother.
  17. the letter every parent should write. try reading this one with a dry eye.
  18. 5 lessons most people learn way to late in life.
  19. 8 talks on cultivating self love.

My last Lainie List for a bit! Getting ready to go to the cabin soon!

the Lainie List.

Last day of school photo.
Summer has officially started for The Holmes’
  1. Chocolate fudge brownies. this recipe was delicious. instead of chocolate chips (we didn’t have any), I swapped in small Lindor chocolates.
  2. LOVED this interview with Elizabeth Gilbert about her new book, City of Girls.
  3. cute outdoors sweatshirt.
  4. An interesting story about Agatha Christie and how she disappeared…
  5. to all the great dads out there (a great piece from Todays Parent)
  6. feel like getting crafty this summer? try my new Printmaking on Fabric online class! it’s lots of fun and easy to do.
  7. there are only 4 times you should agree to work for free.
  8. free is not appreciated. an interesting read.
  9. where to find free online photos online.
  10. the death of the family secret. implications of 23andme and ancestry.com. (Huffington Post)
  11. I want to go to this conference someday. Creative at Heart.
  12. LOVE the personality test from 16personalities.com (it’s creepy accurate)
  13. STORY. another conference I’d love to go to.
  14. 8 talks on cultivating self love.
  15. My Top Picks for an Entrepreneur Summer Reading List – Jenna Kutcher
  16. Crowns for the People. Fun fabric crowns for grown ups (who are kids at heart).
  17. Old-Fashioned Strawberry-Rhubarb Crisp Recipe – Rollie Wesen | Food & Wine
  18. Great places to go hiking this summer (without a vehicle to get there) | CBC

Can you tell I haven’t written a list lately!? this is a long one 🙂 Hope you find something interesting in here for you.

I also want to share that I’ve been thinking about no longer writing my Lainie Lists. will let you know before I wrap them up.

hope you’re enjoying your summer!

Lainie

planning for the ultimate adventure.

it’s time.

I’m about to go somewhere
I need to go
but I’ve been avoiding.

I’m great at finding
random projects
to keep me busy
and away from the place
that’s been calling me.

What is it?

A place with scary shit.

A place with
anger,
sadness,
fear,
and hurt.

A place I try to move beyond
but end up back where I started.
I’m lost
and going in endless
circles.

But I know
it’s on the way
to this amazing place
I want to go.

A place that is bright
and beautiful,
full of inspiration
and pure joy.

A place where I feel
at ease,
playful,
and grounded.

I’m going to pack my bags.

What will I need?

Hiking shoes,
my turquoise ones.
The ones I wore in Iceland.
A bright splash of colour on my feet
as I trudge through this rough terrain.

I’ll bring my notebook and pen.
I will record and observe
what I see and feel.
I don’t want to forget these things,
they will be important.

I’ll pack a camera.
I want to document everything.
I want to remember what I came across
so I can write about it later.

I will pack layers of clothing.
A light coat.
My bright pink fleece.
Depending on how I’m feeling,
I can either shed some heaviness
or add a layer for warmth.
I’ll see what I need
as I go.

And I want to go alone.

I don’t want to be distracted.
I don’t want to worry about others
and their experience.

Are they okay?
What do they need?
Would they like to do something different?

I need to focus
and take it all in.

I need to see
that I can do this
on my own.

What’s Ahead?

I might come across
things that scare me.
I’m going to be unsure at times,
but I’m going to trust
my gut.

I will want to push myself
to go
as far as I can
in a day.

Instead,
I will tell myself
to soak it up.
I’m only going through this
once.
I need to make the most of it.

And in the end,
I’ll come out the other side
with the most unbelievable story
and a sense of accomplishment.

I did it.
I’m better for it.

I’m ready to get started.


I wrote this over a year ago.

It has definitely been an adventure – the last 12+ months. Through writing and making, I continue to work my way through the scary shit and I’m starting to see the beginning glimpses of that amazing place where I want to be.

So I’m ready to begin my next adventure.

In the fall of 2019, I will begin writing a book for our kids. The kind of book that every mom should write for their children – the story of their life. I’ve decided to create a space where others can join me as I tell my story. My hope is that others might feel inspired to write for their kids or for themselves. coming soon!

3 magazines for creatives to check out.

  1. Flow Magazine

Celebrating creativity, imperfection and life’s simple pleasures…

This Dutch magazine is a gift. With monthly international issues (available in English), it’s filled with surprises. You might find cute stickers tucked inside, a little notebook to jot down your gratitudes, or bookmarks for your next read. The articles span topics of self care, enjoying life, and creativity.

They are pricey at $24.99 but I find them well worth it. They can be hard to find at times. You can order them online but I’ve also found them at: Walmart, some Shoppers Drugmarts, and Chapters.

2. smith JOURNAL


smith JOURNAL is published quarterly out of Australia. It’s filled with great little stories and eccentric pieces. For example, in the issue above, was the story of an artist who loved the typography and design on old racing cars. He found old cars and removed their doors to create an exhibit. It’s a fun read that aims to take unexpected, interesting, funny and sometimes complicated stories and tell them the way you would to a bunch of friends at the pub.

3. In Her Studio


In Her Studio is just a fun one to flip through. The magazine gives tours of creative spaces of female artists, designers, and makers. It’s fun to see where they create and what they make.

the Lainie List.

my favourite moment of the month. kids in pajamas. at Walmart. being able to choose one toy each. absolute excitement and joy.
  1. Company of One: why staying small is the next big thing.
  2. 7 quick ways to stop being irritable.
  3. business basics by Wandering Aimfully: expenses
  4. 3 ways that writing with a pen positively affects your brain.
  5. incredible typography cheat sheets
  6. a really interesting interview with Elizabeth Gilbert and how she wrote City of Girls. so cool to hear her creative process.
  7. my new Printmaking on Fabric course is live now! get crafty and learn a new skill right from your own home.

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