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my makeup story.

I recently decided to become a grown up…

my makeup bag as a 38 year old woman. it’s pretty embarrassing.

I have a make up bag that was a Christmas gift from a friend. Tweezers. Mascara my Mom bought me last Christmas. I have eye shadow with a brush that has fallen apart. I don’t remember when I bought the blush (there are only a few small pieces left inside). I have a compact. I usually pick fair because I’m a pretty pasty redhead. There’s under eye stuff; I bought after having our son, Tate. I saw Marilyn Dennis talking about it on TV one day. I found it at Shoppers Drug Mart. And there’s lip gloss that I’ve worn once. I hate how tacky it feels on my lips.

I recently ordered this through a friend (hence why I feel like a grown up).

I don’t know what colours I should wear for eye shadow. I thought I’d try this.
I decided to try this tinted lip gloss. I hate the feel and taste of a regular lip stick.
I’ve upgraded my under eye concealer to the fancy gold stick thing. I ordered a defining brow pencil (I have no idea how to use it. I just know that as a redhead, my eye brows are barely noticeable). I ordered blush and the other items in the picture were complimentary. And today (as I write this), I went to MAC to buy my first makeup brushes. I was asked if I liked full coverage or contouring. Sorry, I have no idea. I’m just learning all of this stuff.  I came home with three brushes and feeling very uncomfortable with how much they cost. Makeup is expensive! 

I have wanted to learn about makeup since I was in elementary school.

My mom never wore it. My grandma didn’t either.

My Auntie Lyd did. I remember asking her if she would teach me how to properly wear makeup. She once talked to me about blush and how it went along the cheek bones. I didn’t get to learn more from her. My Auntie Lyd died in a house fire when I was in grade 8.

The first time I wore makeup, I was in grade 9. My cousin Troy had asked me to be a junior bridesmaid in his wedding. My older cousin Laurie (who I thought was the coolest) took me to a pharmacy and picked out what I needed. It’s pretty much what I buy and wear now. A Cover Girl compact. Blush. Eye shadow. Mascara.

20 years later, I’ve decided to buy something different and figure out how to wear it. And I don’t know why.

And why now? We have three small children. My time is limited. And financially, I shouldn’t be spending money on something like makeup. And yet, I want to.

Maybe it’s because I’m tired of looking frumpy. Maybe it’s because I want to feel good. I have no idea. But I do love how it looks when people wear it well. I love the colour and how it can bring a healthy glow to someone’s face.

I also want to teach Charlie how to wear makeup when she’s older (if she wants to). I want it to be seen as something that is fun and more about how she feels when wearing it. I think growing up I picked up on a lot of negative messages shared by those around me. People who wore makeup were self-absorbed or caught up in their appearance. Wearing makeup was to draw attention to yourself. For me, I just want to feel more confident wearing it and more knowledgeable.

So if you happen to know of some good videos I could watch or a place to go to learn more, let me know!

my word for 2019.

Why this word?

these two lines stood out to me…

“the heart is regarded as the center of a person’s thoughts and emotions”
“the central or innermost part of something.”

I’ve had something on my mind for over a year now and I haven’t made it happen.  It’s something that is close to my heart which is why I probably keep myself busy with other projects.  You can’t fail or struggle, if you haven’t gone there yet.

In 2019, I’m going to make it happen.  It will be a part of my creative hibernation. 

Want to choose a word for 2019?  Susannah Conway has a great 5 day email course, Find Your Word (it’s free).  You need to try it.  I love it.  She has a way of taking a complex idea and breaking it down into simple and meaningful steps.

It’s been a game changer for me.  I constantly come back to my word throughout the year.  It helps keep me grounded and focused, constantly working towards my goals; where a typical new year’s resolution kept me going for a week. 

the art of creative hibernation.

The Art of Creative Hibernation
The Art of Creative Hibernation

I wrote a book because I need to go into hibernation.

The Art of Creative Hibernation was my way of thinking through what hibernation might look like for me.

I need some solid time to sort through all of the stuff I have been squirreling away in notebooks, Google docs, on my phone… time to take my learning and pull it together. 

I need to stop procrastinating and make something that really matters – something that will be useful to me, to our kids, and to others.  I have no idea what it is, but I’m going to figure it out.

My hibernation might include certain days of the week where I’m not on Instagram or other social platforms at all.  It will involve not doing any “work” on weekends, getting a membership to a local yoga studio, and a lot of writing.  A lot.  And it needs to involve some type of new routine that has me focusing more on my health.

You’re welcome to follow along as I try and figure out what this will look like.  Maybe it will inspire a hibernation of your own… 

The Lainie List

I love when we roast marshmallows in the house.
  1. Big Ideas Inside: A Creativity Pad for Dreamers
  2. 24 Days of Kindness for Preschoolers
  4. Pantone’s Colour of the Year.
  5. I like to Move It.  Tate’s new favourite song.
  6. Craft a Life You Love
  7. 52 Lists for Togetherness
  8. love these.  Buckskin Chopper Mitts from LL Bean
  9. South Shore Annexe Craft Table |
  10. The residue of creativity
  11. How to Be an Artist
  12. Why Is Japan Still So Attached to Paper? – The New York Times
  13. Slow-Cooker Maple Pork Shoulder with Apples
  14. Thatcher’s favourite song right now.
  15. Gingerbread Man Cookie recipe
  16. Royal Icing recipe

my 2018 Christmas Wish List.

  1. a drop-in six pack at
    (Thank you, Mom!  She gave me an early Christmas present.)
  2. a lighting kit (ask Eric)
  3. a tarot set
  4. Pentel pens
  5. bath bombs from anywhere
  6. a desk lamp from IKEA (this or this) (*update Nov. 12th – I bought myself one of these lamps last week.  Sorry, Mom 🙂 She has always said, don’t buy yourself anything before Christmas.)
  7. new moccasins
  8. iPhone holder (for video)
  9. a Get to Work Book or #10.
  10. Powersheets from Cultivate (my first pick)
  11. a business plan for my WordPress account
  12. Kraft cards and envelopes



For our family, a magical part of Christmas was being able to wish.  It didn’t mean that it would happen; it meant that you got to imagine what if…

Every year during a visit to Flanders, we would sit with Grandma Lainie and flip through the Sears Wish Book.  We would go through page by page as she asked us what we liked.  I don’t know if she ever bought any of the things we talked about; it didn’t matter.  Just going through the book with her was fun.

Grandma Lainie continued to make her wish lists even in her 70s.  I wrote my own list last year: My Christmas Wish List.
Along with it being fun to wish, it’s kind of neat to see how our list captures who we are and what we enjoy.  What’s on your list this Christmas?!


I’m going to camp for the first time.

I’m going to camp for the first time – at 38 years old.  I leave next week.

I will be 3 hours away from Toronto, with 80 women I have never met before.  It’s called the Imperfect Boss Camp.  A group of creative women – entrepreneurs, designers, photographers, bloggers, artists… coming together to learn from each other.  I’m excited and nervous.

I have no idea where I’m sleeping.  I don’t really know what the 4 days will be like.  I’ve never been to camp before, and yet, I’m excited to be surrounded by others who love creative things like I do.  And with no wi-fi and limited cell service, I hope to unwind and just be.  I’ll have to let you know how it goes once I get back.

I may be a Wendy the Worrier but there’s a fearless side to me too.  I actually like the fact that I don’t know anyone there.  It will force me to meet new people.

I’m going to camp for the first time, and this kid is excited.


I was never the kid who went to camp.

Growing up in Northern Ontario, we were surrounded by trees and lakes.  Going to camp was something we did every weekend when we went to our family cabin.  Swimming.  Fishing.  Water skiing.  Why pay for camp when you can do the same things at the lake?  But it wasn’t the reason why I didn’t go…

I didn’t like the idea of sleeping somewhere else overnight and the only camp offered in our area was a Bible Camp – not my kind of thing.  The packing list for Sunny Cove Camp (the Bible camp) further sealed the deal; when I saw that electronics were not allowed (no walkmans or CD players), I was out.

And now at 38, this introvert is packing her bags to go and share a cabin with strangers, three hours from home, in an area with limited cell service.  Who says that we can’t change…


when things seem timely, pay attention.

Two little gifts arrived in my inbox this week.

A newsletter from Alexandra Franzen and another from Radical Creative Sanctuary (written by Danette Relic).

I say gifts because both have already made a difference for me this week, and I’m so thankful.  I thought I’d pass their tips / advice along to you…

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Alexandra Franzen & Tiny Goals

Alex describes tiny goals as those that feel simple, small and easy to complete.  They are almost like little confidence boosters that make you feel energized and competent.  And once you finish one tiny goal, you’re ready for another, and another.  Before you know it, momentum has built and you have tackled a bigger goal.

The idea of a tiny goal helped me finally get started on a really big project that I’ve been avoiding.  Deciding to work on tiny pieces each day has made the project feel less overwhelming and I’m actually excited to keep going.  Tiny goals for the win.

Alex also included a free template in her newsletter:

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If you’re interested in seeing more of her stuff, check out her website or subscribe to her newsletter.

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Danette is a creative who inspires me to reflect on my progress and to be kind to myself.

In her newsletter this week, she posed the question:

If you keep living the way you are living now, where do you think you’ll be by the end of this year?  (and if you’re not in love with the answer, consider this…)

Where do you want to be, by the end of this year?  What would make you so damn proud and grateful?

Great questions to think about.  I love how the idea of goal setting and creating intentions isn’t something left until January 1st.  At any time, we can consciously think about where we want to be 3 months from now and start putting pieces into place to make it happen.

To follow Danette’s work, you can find her on Instagram or her website,


Lainie Note: I hope that I have written this post in a way that completely credits others for their work.  I chose to share because I think their work is impactful.

our wedding.

Our wedding was held on Clearwater Lake in Northwestern Ontario.

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Our guests stayed at True North Outposts & Cabins,
a beautiful camp owned and operated by family friends (Chuck and Cathy).

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Chuck flew the girls (in my wedding party) down the lake so we could get ready
at my parents cabin (where we were married).

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It was a DIY wedding.
Our flowers came from a grocery store, the table runners I sewed myself,
and the lanterns were gathered over many trips to Winners.

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We had a cookie bar because Eric loves cookies.
Oatmeal raisin.  Ginger molasses.  Peanut butter.  Grandma Beatrice’s Monster Cookies. The jars were recycled by spraying the lids brown.
The tags were made from card stock and letter stickers.

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Huge jars were filled with mixed drinks.
Sangria.  Spiked Lemonade. Fragoli.  Mojitos.

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We were prepared.

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My parents rented a tent.
We strung mason jar lanterns with candles inside.
I made them from wire and jars.

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Our photographer, was a friend of Eric’s.  He took great photos for us.



Our wedding party had a lot of fun together.

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Gram was there.



We were married by the lake.


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Guests casually stood around with beverages in hand.  It was perfect.

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We ate fried walleye and homemade salads.
Our wedding cake was a Dairy Queen ice cream cake.

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Not actual caterers 🙂 Miles (left) and Chuck (right).  My dad’s friends.  They helped cook the fish.  I made them aprons.

Our dance was held under the trees.
I ditched my dress for jeans and a hoodie.

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We ate smores and had a campfire.

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We will be married 10 years next August.
I got to marry my best friend.

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We should have another party, Eric 😉

when a search for a Tim Horton’s becomes a metaphor for your life.

I know, it sounds ridiculous and very Canadian, but stick with me.  There is a story here.

Tonight I went to OCAD to listen to Adam J. Kurtz speak.  It had been a long day at home, where this image came to mind more than once during the day.


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a dark, not so great photo taken at 6:10 a.m. as I try to type this up off of my phone, in a dark bedroom before the kids wake up.


And because I have the most supportive husband (seriously, Eric, I am so thankful for you), he made sure that he was home after work in good time, so that I could go.

I’m going somewhere with this, I promise.

I took the subway and got off at St. Patrick station.  I had an hour before the talk and all I wanted was a tea.  A medium steeped tea with milk and sugar.

I figured that there had to be a Tim Horton’s or Starbucks close to the college.  I didn’t even grab a tea before I got on the subway because I banked on the fact that there had to be one close to OCAD.

I couldn’t find one anywhere.

Lesson #1: I overthink things.  I should have just gotten a tea before getting on the subway if I really wanted one.  I had lots of time.

After finding OCAD, I Googled Tim Horton’s near OCAD.

It looked like quite a walk west but I figured I would have time.  There should still be seats left.

Lesson #2: I’m a worrier. (This isn’t new learning for me.)

I don’t want to miss out or put myself in an awkward position of walking in late or not having a place to sit.  When really, I could just sit on the floor.

Halfway to the supposed Tim Horton’s, I turned around.  I couldn’t see it up ahead and decided to cut my losses.  Lesson #3: That’s very much a Lainie thing.  If it’s not a sure thing and I can’t clearly see it, I cut bait.

I walked back and wandered into the OCAD building.  I felt completely out of place.  Young artists were wearing whatever they wanted; the weirder (to me), the better.  Lesson #4: I admire style and creative expression in others, and yet I’m afraid to do it myself.

I finally found the lecture hall.  They wouldn’t open the doors until 6:45 p.m.  I looked at my phone: 6:15 p.m.  I sat on the floor and waited in the hall, watching people go by with Tim Horton’s cups and Starbucks.  I was so tempted to ask where they found it.

Good thing I rushed here, I thought to myself.  I sat and waited for 40 minutes.  Then once we got inside, we waited for another 20+ minutes.  I looked at my phone.  7:12.  Come on guys, who’s organizing this thing?  Why is he standing out in the hall talking to people?  Is this annoying anyone else? as I looked around the room.  I was getting so impatient.

Lesson #4: I’m so impatient (not new learning.)  Things need to be exactly as advertised.  As much as I love to buck the system and challenge authority, I am a rule follower when I want to be.

The talk was incredible.  Absolutely incredible.  I wish there was a video of it somewhere so you could watch it too.  His messages so important to us all.  I’m going to write up a blog post about it so you can hear some of his talk.  Anyways, it was one of those things were the timing was perfect.  It was exactly what I needed to hear.  I love when that happens.

And then it was over.  I started walking back to the subway, feeling lighter and more inspired.  There was almost a sense of confidence (I can do this) that I have totally been lacking.  And then I saw it.

A Tim Horton’s.

It was just steps from the subway station.  Seriously.

I was so worried (nudge nudge, this is where the metaphor for my life is coming in).

I was worried about knowing where I was going.  I was worried about who might already be there and if there would be a spot for me.  I was so focused on the end destination that I blew right by what I was looking for and needed.  It was right in front of my face had I taken the time to notice.

See the analogy now?

Lessons #5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and 12.  It’s so me right now.  I so badly want to create something that is meaningful.  Meaningful to me and to others.  I want to have my own thing, my own style of creating.  I don’t know what it is and it worries me.

I compare myself to others and feel lesser.  I’m so worried about financially providing for my family (I was almost on the Sunshine List at one time.  Now I make money from sewing projects here and there.  I’ve been on leave from my job since 2015, at home caring for the kids – something I never imagined myself doing).

I don’t know what I want to do or where I’m going and I feel so much pressure (self-imposed).  I worry that there is no place for me in the creative world and yet I know that it is so me.

I just need to stop and relax.  I need to make things for fun.  I need to do Lainie things without worrying about how it might be perceived.  I feel encouraged to take my time and to pay attention to what’s going on around me.

It’s time to make for me.


This post was written entirely on my short subway ride home after the talk.  No edits and quickly thrown into Notes on my phone.  And with a Timmy’s steeped tea in hand.

It felt profound at the time.  We’ll see what kind of a read it makes.

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And because I’m a nerd, I’m keeping the cup.  I’ll use it to hold pencils and pens on my desk.  A reminder to hold back on the worrying and to be mindful of what’s in front of me; then I’ll find what I’m looking for.