I Don’t Regret It.

When I look back
on my career,
I don’t see it
as a waste of my time.
I don’t wish
that I would have gone
a different path.

From teaching,
I met incredible people.
I formed friendships
with smart,
thoughtful,
hardworking people.

I learned how to design good instruction,
and how to make people feel like a part of a group.
I learned about web design and how to create online courses.
And I experienced leadership
(styles I admired and the leader I don’t want to be.)

And I realized that I need to do my own thing.
To be free to create what I want
and to work with others
who have similar values.

It’s going to be great.




my dream.

an actual dream I had one morning. I wrote it down on March 25, 2018.

I just had the ultimate dream for a book nerd.
I was in a library.
It was majestic.
Dim lighting,
grand shelves,
and arched ceilings
towering above my head.

There was one section
that featured some of the best authors.
Books had been carefully curated
and selected
by Her.

I can’t remember her name now
her initials were M.M.
And she was the who’s who
of the writing world.
If she liked your book,
you were golden.

I hovered around the display.
It felt warm and illuminated.
It had its own presence within
the space.

She flitted back and forth behind the counter
moving books around
and talking to patrons.

I remember wishing
to be a part of it all.

I remember someone telling me
that She,
M.M.
had groomed writers herself.
Telling them
to get their writing out
to as many people
as possible.

Give your writing to others,
get their feedback
and over time
your writing will evolve
and take its shape,
as You.

It was soon closing time.
Everything was being packed up
and I needed to use the washroom.
I went into a separate section
where it seemed that
all of the staff
had settled to have their dinners.

Table after table
of employees
sitting at long beautiful wooden tables.
One person per table
with the warmth of a table light,
old school library style.

They all gave me looks
of not belonging.

Why is she here?
She shouldn’t be back here.


But I didn’t care.
I was hopeful.
I thought that one day I would.
I would figure it out.
I walked out
with my head held high.

I went out to the parking lot.
Eric was waiting for me.
He had been there the entire time,
patiently waiting.
We went home.



Note from Lainie:

I woke up from this dream as Eric and I were driving away in the car.  

I immediately rolled over in bed and told Eric that I needed to write down the dream I just had.

But at that moment, the kids woke up and the writing would need to wait.

Three bowls of oatmeal with raisins and cinnamon put together.  A sink full of dishes done. Life jackets put on kids (long story). Eating eggs benedict with Eric as the kids played “Charlie Shark.” Then time to write.  

I wrote at the table for 5 minutes and then tried to read it to Eric over the kids playing and yelling out.

Eric: “So we need to find M.M.”